This.

This Alphabet Dance has certainly plummeted to the bottom of the priority list as it's been over a month since I've managed to post. Doesn't mean I haven't been thinking about it, though. "T" was going to be Temporary Abeyance after 2 weeks had passed, then "Time Travels" when being blasted back to the '80s at The Police concert. "Trying" for 'trying to write during Trying times with a toddler' gave way to "To Do" as in the list that never stops growing - but that was superceded by simply "Time,"of which there's never enough. "Tinkle" certainly would've been the most eye-catching title as we aim for M to catch her tinkles in the potty. But since that's not really happening to our liking, "This" will simply have to do.

"This" is very simple. It brings one to the Here & Now, and the here and now is this blog, this thing called writing that continues to creep back into my life. It's tricky because This could be the Italian homework I want to do, or the Entangled Minds book I'm eager to finish, or the new surnames I would love to add onto ancestry.com -- all these "This"s call to me, now that I have a couple hours of post-girls'-bedtime silence. If it were daytime This would be competing with family time, exercise and laundry, to be sure. But back to This blog, which is what I'm doing now (not counting, of course, the half-dozen google searches I've done in between paragraphs).

I know that staying focused and present is no doubt my biggest flaw. I'm sure it's learned from my parents, maybe even genetic. When all my distracting thoughts and interests hungrily suck me in or scream at me, I keep circling back to focus on whatever it is I deem as being more important. I keep trying to center on the This, and I have no idea if I'm making overall progress. It may take me my whole lifetime to evolve to being in the Now, and at best I'll only get to Zen monk status by the end of my next life. In the meantime I'm surrounded by distraction and battle with the guilt ("That" f#*ked up issue, guilt) of my under-abilities to focus on "This," the everpresent G-d of Now.